Sacred Yes, Holy No: How Jesus Views Boundaries
Boundaries aren’t selfish; they’re sacred. Jesus modeled them throughout His ministry — saying “no” to endless demands, withdrawing to rest, keeping circles of trust, and walking away from toxicity. Inspired by Dr. Henry Cloud’s Boundaries and Lysa TerKeurst’s Good Boundaries and Goodbyes, this blog explores how boundaries are biblical, how Jesus viewed them, and how they free us to love with wisdom and integrity.
Can Christians Really Have Boundaries?
Many Christians wrestle with the idea of boundaries. On the surface, boundaries can feel unspiritual — even selfish. Aren’t we called to “deny ourselves” (Matthew 16:24), “turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39), and “bear with one another” (Colossians 3:13)? Doesn’t love mean always being available, always forgiving, and always giving?
But here’s the tension: if love means never saying no, never resting, and never protecting ourselves, then why do so many of us feel burned out, resentful, or even trapped in unhealthy relationships?
When we look closer at the life of Jesus, we discover something surprising: He lived with profound love — and with clear boundaries. He withdrew to pray, said no to manipulative demands, chose His inner circle wisely, and walked away from unsafe people.
As Dr. Henry Cloud explains in Boundaries, “Boundaries define us. They define what is me and what is not me.” Lysa TerKeurst adds in Good Boundaries and Goodbyes: “Goodbyes are not the end of love; sometimes they are the most loving thing we can do.”
This blog explores how Jesus viewed boundaries — not as barriers to love, but as the very structure that preserves it.
The Misunderstanding of Boundaries in Faith
The “Good Christian” Guilt Trap
For generations, many believers have been taught that “good Christians” never say no. The ideal Christian is imagined as endlessly available, endlessly forgiving, endlessly self-denying.
But this kind of self-erasure isn’t what Jesus modeled. As Cloud reminds us, “We are to give to others without losing ourselves.”
Misused Scriptures
Certain Bible verses are often misunderstood and used to justify unhealthy dynamics:
“Turn the other cheek” (Matthew 5:39): A call to reject vengeance, not to endure abuse.
“Deny yourself” (Matthew 16:24): About surrendering selfish ambition, not surrendering personhood.
“Love bears all things” (1 Corinthians 13:7): A vision of resilience in love, not permission to tolerate sin without accountability.
“Love without boundaries isn’t love — it’s enabling.”
Jesus as the Model of Healthy Boundaries
Jesus Said “No”
Jesus was deeply compassionate — but He wasn’t endlessly compliant.
He refused to perform miracles on demand (Mark 8:11–12).
He left crowds who wanted Him to stay (Luke 4:42–43).
He withdrew to rest and pray instead of meeting every need (Luke 5:16).
Every “no” was rooted in a greater “yes” to His mission.
Jesus Walked Away
He walked away from those seeking to harm Him (John 10:39).
He allowed the rich young ruler to leave without chasing him (Matthew 19:16–22).
He left His hometown when rejected (Luke 4:28–30).
Walking away wasn’t failure. It was discernment.
Jesus Kept Circles of Trust
Jesus loved all people, but He did not entrust Himself to all.
He ministered to multitudes.
He sent out 72.
He discipled 12.
He confided most deeply in 3 (Peter, James, John).
Love was wide. Trust was wisely selective.
Jesus Confronted Toxicity
He called out Pharisees for hypocrisy (Matthew 23).
He overturned exploitation in the temple (John 2:15).
Boundaries sometimes look like courage — naming what is harmful and refusing to enable it.
“Jesus loved everyone, but He did not entrust Himself to everyone.”
What Boundaries Are (and What They Aren’t)
Boundaries Are:
✅ Biblical stewardship of time, energy, and calling.
✅ Safeguards for love and mission.
✅ Clear definitions of responsibility — what is mine vs. yours.
Boundaries Are Not:
❌ Selfishness.
❌ Revenge or punishment.
❌ Abandonment.
As Lysa TerKeurst writes, “Boundaries are how I fight for the best of what’s inside me, so I can keep showing up with love.”
Forgiveness vs. Reconciliation
Forgiveness: A Solo Act
Forgiveness is something we can always do — it’s releasing bitterness and entrusting justice to God. Jesus forgave from the cross (Luke 23:34), showing that forgiveness does not depend on the other person’s response.
Reconciliation: A Shared Act
Reconciliation requires two people. It needs repentance, safety, and mutual trust. It isn’t always possible or wise.
Boundaries allow us to forgive without reconciling with someone unsafe.
“ Forgiveness is commanded. Reconciliation is conditional.”
Why We Resist Boundaries
Fear of rejection: “If I say no, will they leave me?”
Religious guilt: “If I set boundaries, am I being unloving?”
Cultural conditioning: Especially for women, worth is often tied to compliance.
Misidentifying love: Confusing enabling with grace.
The truth? Boundary-less living corrodes love. Boundaries preserve it.
The Practical Boundaries of Jesus
Time Boundaries
Honoring the Sabbath.
Retreating for prayer.
Energy Boundaries
Choosing solitude over endless activity.
Pausing even when needs remained unmet.
Relational Boundaries
Entrusting Himself only to safe companions.
Refusing to submit to manipulative authority.
Mission Boundaries
Staying aligned with God’s purpose.
Rejecting detours or distractions from His calling.
When Boundaries Mean Goodbyes
Sometimes, boundaries require endings.
Jesus told His disciples to “shake the dust off your feet” when unwelcome (Matthew 10:14).
He allowed others to walk away from Him.
As Lysa TerKeurst writes, “Goodbyes aren’t unloving. Sometimes they’re holy.”
“ Goodbyes can be obedience, not betrayal.”
The Emotional Cost of Boundaries
Boundaries often bring grief. Walking away or saying no can feel like loss. But grief is not evidence of wrongness — it’s evidence of love.
Jesus Himself wept (John 11:35). Grief is not failure; it’s sacred humanity.
At Psych Collective, we remind clients: Grief is not proof you failed. It is proof you cared.
Boundaries as Spiritual Formation
Boundaries aren’t just practical — they are spiritual.
Prayer: asking God what is mine to carry.
Discernment: leaning on wise community.
Scripture: clarifying God’s call.
Sabbath: practicing sacred rest.
Boundaries are not only relational skills; they are discipleship practices.
The Freedom Boundaries Bring
When we embrace boundaries, life shifts:
Exhaustion → Renewal.
Resentment → Compassion.
Fear → Peace.
Control → Trust.
“Boundaries don’t shrink love; they refine it.”
Loving Like Jesus Means Living with Boundaries
The Gospel is not an invitation to boundary-less burnout. It is an invitation to live wisely, with love that is deep, sustainable, and sacred.
Jesus shows us that boundaries are not unspiritual — they are holy. Saying no can be the most Christlike thing you do. Saying goodbye can be obedience. Setting limits can be the doorway to peace.
🌊 Ready to practice healthier, Christlike boundaries?
Our therapists can help you create limits that honor both your faith and your mental health.
👉 Book a Free Consultation Today
